How to Check in With Yourself
All the coping skills in the world are no good to us if we aren’t first aware of when to use them.
As a therapist, I talk to my clients all the time about various tools they can use for coping with stress, anxiety, strong emotions and refilling their emotional batteries/tanks/cup of water/whatever metaphor you prefer. That’s because many of us find ourselves running on empty, and we’re not sure how we got there. All the coping skills in the world are no good to us if we aren’t first aware of when to use them. And once we’re already emotionally depleted and feeling burned out, it’s harder to function effectively and get ourselves in the right headspace to help ourselves.
Some people are very in tune with their emotions and their bodies, which is wonderful. But many of us struggle to know what we’re feeling - or that we’re feeling anything at all - until things reach a boiling point. The purpose of this post is to help people who have trouble tuning into themselves find ways to check in so that they can then take steps to refuel, meet their needs, and be kind to themselves.
10 Ways to Check in With Yourself
Body Scan/Checking in with physical sensations: Our bodies often give us clues to how we’re feeling before our minds catch on. For people who struggle with knowing how they’re feeling, there may also be some lack of awareness of their body.
Using body scan meditations can help us practice becoming aware of the various parts of our body and where there may be tension, pain, elevated heart rate, or an uneasy feeling. You don’t have to do a formal body scan to tune in to these important messages - just take a quiet moment for yourself, take some deep breaths, and notice what’s coming up.
Journaling: I know, you’re probably thinking “ugh, journaling doesn’t work for me,” but I encourage you to try again, and in a different way. Maybe you can journal on the fly on your phone’s notes app, or at a different time a day, or find some prompts online that spark something in you. For many people, writing helps them understand how they feel. There’s something about putting words down that helps provide clarity and helps gets thoughts out of our own heads, where they might be caught swirling or ruminating.
Walking: Similar to journaling, walking can help us realize how we feel by helping us get out of our heads. We know that exercising and getting out in nature are good for us in general, but walking has the added benefit of being a great way to check in with ourselves. Try to resist the urge to pop in headphones the minute you walk out the door - look up, listen, tune into your senses and what’s happening both inside and outside of yourself.
Self-Inquiry: The next time you find yourself getting caught up in the details of a problem or worry, pause and ask yourself “What is really bothering me about this?” Try to dig beneath the surface-level details, for example, “My friend canceled on me last minute for dinner, they’re so inconsiderate and rude, maybe I don’t want to be their friend anyway, etc. etc.” to the emotional - and often more vulnerable - problem underlying this issue. Maybe it’s that you have been feeling lonely lately and you’re hurt and disappointed. There’s a lot more to work with there (self-compassion, meeting your needs, communicating constructively to your friend), versus the angry and defensive surface-level of the problem.
Some other helpful questions for self-inquiry include “What am I holding on to/resisting here?” or “What do I need in this moment?”
Mindfulness: All of the above suggestions could fall under the umbrella of mindfulness. Staying present in what we’re doing, how our bodies are feeling, and what emotions are coming up is key when checking in with ourselves. When we do things in the opposite fashion - mindlessly - we are not only closed off to our emotional worlds but we also tend to make mistakes, rush through our days, and fail to reap the rewards of everything we are working so hard for.
This is just a start. Find what works for you and your style. Maybe when you get in your car after work you just take a deep breath, pause, and check in with yourself. It doesn’t have to be a hassle, it’s just an intentional moment to check in on ourselves.
Once you’ve checked in and assessed your emotional battery life, you can take steps to recharge. How to recharge those batteries also varies person to person, but you’ve taken the first step by caring about yourself enough to ask the question, “How am I doing today?”